Are You Finally Ready For A Fresh Start
“I can’t stop thinking about him.”
“I want to move on but he is in my mind night and day.”
“Maybe he is the one and I should wait until he changes his mind.”
“I hate him.”
“I love him.”
Who of us doesn’t relate to this line of thinking?
Why is it so excruciating to move on after a relationship ends?
Often there is no immediately apparent rationale for the ending of a
relationship but even if there was, the need to detach from a former
love and to move on with your life is inescapable.
I
n my case, a whirlwind romance with a highly attractive man caused me to morph into a mindless I-must-have-him machine.
I thought about him incessantly and while he showed great interest in
me at first….special emphasis on ‘at first’, my constant emails and text
messages began to take their toll.
I watched my phone, checked
to make sure it was on, cherished the messages he left me, printed the
late night Instant Messages, rearranged my life to suit his schedule….I
know I don’t need to go on! The fiery chemistry that happened in the
beginning started to fizzle out after 2 or 3 months. Then, he
disappeared. Gone.
The first couple of weeks, I held out hope
that he would miss me so desperately that he would call, beg forgiveness
and sweep me off my feet again.
Two more weeks and I was ready to be done with him but I kept wondering what I had done wrong.
Wasn’t it real? The chemistry was real, that’s for sure. Miserable, I
limped through my days unable to keep my mind off of him.
By then
I was sick and tired of being sick and tired and set out to change my
mindset. The techniques I used have now become a tried and true system
for saying goodbye to that ghost lover (my term for the man who left and
the dream of what might have developed with him). Here are the Five
Powerful Keys you need to get yourself back into the driver’s seat.
Good Luck! I know you can do this!!
Key #1 Face The Facts
Ok,
this is no fun, but facing the fact that you are hooked on this guy is
the first and most essential step. Yes, you feel foolish. No, you
don’t want to give up on him. But how are you feeling? Empowered?
Strong? Probably not. Look in the mirror and tell yourself, “I do
love him. He doesn’t want to be with me right now. This really hurts
and I hate it! I want to learn to let him go. I want to think about
what I want to think about and not about him. I’m worth it.” If you
tell yourself these facts (you can use mine if you can’t think of your
own) every day for a week, you will empower yourself for the next steps.
Key #2 Embrace Your Self
That
was then and this is now. Face it, you aren’t the only woman to have
experienced this heart ache. Be gentle with yourself. You are doing
the best you can. As you look back to the beginnings of this
relationship, let yourself remember how good it felt. If he wasn’t the
one, those same good feelings are out there for you with a new guy.
Embracing the you that fell for him rather than criticizing yourself for
what you perceive as an error in judgment will build your sense of self
esteem and equip you for the next step.
Key #3 The Him or Better Box
Now
is when this gets fun. Each thought that you think about him has
emotional energy attached to it. Some is positive, some is negative.
The energy used to think these thoughts uses creative energy you could
be investing in other parts of your life….your art, your career, your
friendships, etc.
There is a way to reclaim and reassign this
energy and your imagination is the gateway. We are going to create an
imaginary “Him or Better Box”. It is best to name the box specifically,
so use the name of your Ex instead of Him. Close your eyes and imagine
a box about the size of a recipe file. It may show up in color, if
not, make it any color you please. Allow your imagination to decorate
it with any ribbons, jewels or symbols that might appear. If yours is a
plain white box…that is ok, too. There is no right or wrong. Your
goal is to ‘capture’ the thoughts about him and to place them in the
box.
The reason we call it a “Him or Better Box” is so that if
he does come back, you are banking all of this energy toward
reconnecting with him then. Afterall, he is not in your life right now
anyway so why waste time and energy thinking about him now. The ‘or
Better’ just says to the Universe and to you that you are banking on the
new love in your life and that you are stockpiling the emotional energy
around the thoughts to that potential.
Key #4 Capturing Those Pesky Thoughts.
Learning
to capture and control your thoughts serves a dual purpose. One, you
have highly tangible evidence that that you can direct your own
thinking. Two, you immediately reclaim the energy for your own life and
are free to assign it to where you want it to go. It may seem daunting
to control your thoughts about him…believe me I have been there! That
is why it is good to start slow and practice. The moment you are aware
that you are thinking about him, stop, acknowledge the thought for a
moment, then in your minds eye, place a bubble around it and put it into
your box.
At first, you may only get three thoughts a day into
the box but hang in there. This stuff really works. Remember…it is a
Him or Better Box…it begins to feel really good to bank these thoughts
for what’s ahead and you are prepared whether he comes back or not! If
this is difficult for you to imagine, get a real box and some small
pieces of paper. Name your box and then write out the thought you are
having and place it in the box. Either way, this technique is
guaranteed.
The first week you will be amazed at how many
thoughts go into the box. By the third week, you will notice a
difference in the frequency of the thoughts and also by the change in
your mood and perspective. You will be feeling much better at this
point and ready for the final step.
Key#5 Writing the New Script
Now
you are feeling stronger and more in control. You are more balanced
emotionally and have some degree of objectivity. Now, get a piece of
paper and write out five to ten things about your previous relationship
that were not working for you on the left side of the paper, the more
ideas you can come up with, the better. For example:
He didn’t like to see movies.
He wasn’t as affectionate as I wanted.
He didn’t call when he said he would.
He hated to dance.
On
the right side of the paper, create a list of the attributes of your
ideal partner based on what it was about the ghost lover that
disappointed you. For Example:
He didn’t like to see movies becomes He loves to see films of all types at
least once a week.
He wasn’t as affectionate as I wanted becomes He holds my hand where ever we go and hugs me frequently.
He didn’t call when he said he would becomes He is very responsible and calls when he says he will.
You
get the idea. Now, go back over the list and cross out each of the
items on the left with gusto. By time you follow through with the fifth
key, you are well on your way to leaving your former love behind. Yes,
you will still think of him occasionally and yes it will still hurt.
However, reviewing these lists will confirm to you the benefit of moving
on. As your thoughts about him get less and less frequent you will not
only feel better, you will be amazed at how much energy you have to
invest in the rest of your life. You will get more done and experience
more joy than you have in months.
Wouldn’t it be nice if you would
then meet Mr. Right and never have to detach again? Ha! As you
continue to enter into future casual and intimate relationships, there
will always be challenges to keeping your thoughts under control but…and
this is a big but (bigger than him!) each time you go through these 5
Keys, it will get easier and easier for you to see clearly what it is
you do and don’t want in a partner.
No one knows what is best
for you than you do. Learning to hear from and trust your own intuition
will light the way for your future.
How about you? Do you wonder what your chances are for Soul Mate Success? http://TakeTheSoulMateQuiz.com and find out right now!
